Friday, June 15, 2012
Happy Father's Day to the Strongest, Courageous and Greatest DAD ever!
Dad, we miss you so much. We miss your hugs, kisses, and your voice. You always had great advise for me and Matthew. Your jokes would brighten our day and your insane outburst make for great memories. It's hard to believe that you are no longer with us. Your presence is so strong that we often find ourselves waiting for you or ready to call out your name. Many times I am turning around to walk with you or ready to point something out to you.
As I am preparing for my college journey I am guided by the words you wisely spoke to me. I know that even though you may not be here physically, you will continue to guide me in life with all you taught me over the years and experiences we have shared.
Matthew will grow to be the spinning image of you and we will make sure he becomes as great of man as his daddy was. He continues to look to you for strength and courage. You continue to guide him with your legacy and will always remain as a significant influence to the man he will become.
Dad, you are never far. We love you and appreciate all you have done for us and will continue to do. We are so lucky to have you as our Papeechee! Happy Father's Day!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
DLP finally went to her prom. She looked so beautiful and her date looked so handsome. He picked her up in a white limo and then they left to enjoy their prom. It was nothing but bitter sweet, Marco had the chance to see DLP in her dress and all he could say was my little girl is growing up fast and how her date needed to be on his best behavior. As the limo pulled away, it was tears galor, and just feeling Marco should of been here for this. Just one of the many moments we have and it just seems to make me mad even more that he was gone to soon. We know there will more moments that we wished he was here for, but we make the most of it and still talk about what Marco would of said or done at any particular moment then we laugh and we feel better. Gianina will be graduating this month and she is very excited to start planning her future.
I have been able to volunteer at Machinis school in the morning which makes his day. I wasn't able to participate in much the last couple of years but would send in something when it was called for. Machini gets a great big smile on his face when I go in to his class with cupcakes, lego head cake balls, jumbo pickles. He says he likes to see his friends faces when they see what I bring them. It's testing week and they have been doing a good job, I will be making pancakes for his class tomorrow so will see how that goes.
We went to go visit S3U5 in Palm Springs for the weekend and were surprised to get tickets to a sold out Stagecoach 2012 Country Music Festival, we love stagecoach and were excited to be going. We laughed, we cried and even got to hear some of the songs Marco would sing out loud randomly which just made it even more awesome. Little things like that is what brings comfort to our hearts, and its a good thing. So thank you to S3U5 and her hubby for that.
We promised Marco that we wouldn't think of the day that he passed away but it just seems to creep up on you anyway. It's been 2 months since, and we are still waiting for him to come through that door as weird as that may sound, we have a shit load of stories to tell him, we want to share all the excitements of the day and the upcoming events and that is when it gets hard to think he is gone. The tears just seem to come out of nowhere but we say okay your dad would be slapping us right about now we dry our tears , laugh and try to move on.
Many life changes and surprises are coming around the corner and it will be hard to adjust to it all, but we can do it because Marco has taught us to be strong and see that accepting what life has in store for you will make it a little easier to deal and to live life to the fullest no matter what.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Here I was trying to write on the blog the other day and it took me all damn day just to write my last blog entry. Its just so hard to express your feelings without breaking down. So here I am again tring to write through my damn tears. They should invent some type of eye wipers that just clear them away when you can't see shit in front of you to write.
Today as I was driving back from dropping off Matthew from school I decided to tune into the blend xm radio and as I listen to the song coming on I said to myself hey I have heard that tune before.......Love, Love will keep us together. I laughed, I cried all the way back to my mom's house but with a smile on my face. Little things like this make my day, these are the little thing I appreciate to be able to think back on Marco singing this song and dancing like a commador snaping his fingers as he swade, side to side.
I was talking to Surviving 3 under 5 and I asked her if she had seen the new commercial on the Pop Tarts when they are plain and then all of a sudden they have all these crazy colors. Well the kids and I were watching TV and all of the sudden this commercial comes out and we hear the I'm to sexy song....we all started to laugh out loud and I said your daddy would of jump out of his bed and started to shake his ass and sing out loud. We all just laughed. We love this commercial.
Life throws you some interesting things when you least expected.... its up to you to know how you'll let yourself accept them. With acceptance, smile and enjoy the moment or not accknowledge that its there, ignore it, and let the moment slip away.
Well,as you all know DLP will be graduating this May 2012 and she is so excited. She will be making her college choice soon. She has her eye on UC Santa Cruz,yes you guessed it by the sea. Marco always told her to make decisions on what is better for her and the career she choses,never take the short cuts for anything. Aim high in life and you'll be great and doors will open for you.
I am very excited to have DLP go off to college, we will be taking a trip up north next week to get a tour of the school. There is a lot going on with Prom in two weeks and we just ordered her yearbook, graduation, and moving possibly to Santa Cruz for college. A lot of things happening fast, too fast but life goes on and we just have to jump on the life train to were its headed sometimes. But I know she will be alright. Very excited to see UC Santa Cruz!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
There is not a day that has gone by with out a Marco quote followed by a laugh.
We are grateful that we were able to have him in our lives as my friend, best friend, husband and greatest dad to my kids. He has left us with an amazing appreciation of life and we don't let the sadness our hearts feel get us down because Marco never let anything get him down.
Marco told us to always remember something great we did and smile, not to feel sad. And that is exactly what we do. We refuse to let sadness get the best of us, all though we do have our moments but its okay cause we aren't made of rock.
If only everyone could see that having your memories and remembering all the good times is what you should keep with you all the time to help you through your tough times. It makes it a little easier to get through the day. The sadness comes from missing his "physical presence" here with us or just not hearing his voice.
The kids and I, we can say we are doing okay thus far. We miss him a lot. But it got to the point were it scared me to see that the kids as well as myself were doing okay. (of course having our moments of breaking down, but okay) I called Odyssey to send a counselor right away, to talk with us. I felt like something was wrong and I need to get some answers or help for that matter.
The next day they sent over Kathy, a very nice woman to come talk with us. She wanted me to explain what my concerns where and why we thought we needed her help. I told her I wasn't sure why we were feeling okay. I explained that I was thinking maybe we were in survival mode, denial, or anything else she could add to the list.
Then she said "can you tell me a bit about your relationship with Marco". So of course we spilled the beans of how amazing he is and everything he had to deal with and how we all dealt with it. She wanted to know if the kids were informed of what was going on and we said "yes, with all the raw reality's of what the cancer was doing and what it would take at the end of the road." She wanted to know if Marco spoke to us about his feeling for each of us and we told her "yes, everyday".
We told her about our road trips, how we all cried through all of our raw reality talks with the kids and how we all planned his funeral just as he wanted it. From the brochures to the flowers and pictures selected for the video and scrapbooks. She just looked at us in disbelief she said she couldn't believe everything we had gone through as a family and yet we all kept it together.
She explained that there was nothing wrong with us, we just didn't have loose ends to have to deal with at the end. Everything was planned and we grieved every step of the way.
And we understood the reality of what life held for us and we learned as a family to accept it.
"Not a lot of people have that you know," she told us. She looked at us all and said from one end to another "you are normal, there is nothing you are telling me right now that makes it not normal. You don't have regrets, remorse and nothing wasn't left unsaid."
Matthew was the first to let out a deep sigh and say "well, I am glad we are normal." Gianina and I were relieved to hear that she wasn't going to take us wrapped in white jackets.
She explained that everyone has their own relationship with Marco and everyone will grieve differently. Depending on the relationship, there is not set way to grieve.
Before leaving I did mention to her that it still felt surreal, seemed like people were talking about someone else's Marco. We feel like he has been on a long fishing trip and its just taking him long to get home.
She replied with "that is normal too but be aware that the day will come when you all realize he is not walking through that door". I think she shock us with that, and we realized that, that was a devastating thing we would have to encounter at our own time.
I was glad that we talked to her and just her telling us we were "normal" was great in itself.
Marco means the world to us and we will never stop enjoying all the great things in life that we all had as a family. We embrace each day with the same attitude to move forward and enjoy one day at a time with no regrets. With a smile on our faces and always remembering all the wonderful memories Marco has left for us to enjoy.
Monday, March 12, 2012
As you all know Marco passed away in Hesperia at my parents home. Just where he wanted to be, at home. All of the family was right there, helping bring down his fevers and making sure he was comfortable at all times. We held his hand and kissed him every moment we could. Till the end Marco had a great big hug for me and told me several times before he passed that he would miss us and loved us. He passed away very peacefully and for that I was so greatful that he didn't suffer too much at the end.
The kids and I miss him terribly and feel like he has gone on a two day fishing trip and is running late and he will be walking thru the front door anytime. But soon the reality hits and we are devasted to reawake to our reality, but we remember what Marco said not to cry we will be ok. He will always be right there for us no matter what.
We would like to thank everyone who came to celebrate Marco's life with us. I was amazing to see how many people were touched by Marco and how he made a difference in their lives. There were a lot of family and friends and then there were the ones whom we would hear Marco speak of but never met. It was nice to place a face with a name. The stories that everyone shared with the kids and myself were just what Marco knew would happen and wanted to happen.
Marco put a lot of love and time into planning out what he wanted for his funeral service. Marco the kids and I spent a lot time preparing for the celebration of life. We wanted to let Marco shine through the service and not focus on the disease. He said to much time had already been spent on that to dwell on it. Having to do all the running around and getting stuff done while he was alive was the cruelest thing I have had to do in my life. No one wants to have that task. But it brought us even closer together than we were.
There were tears of joy and tears of heartbreak that we had to deal with weeks before Marco passed away. But he made sure to let us know that it would be alright, we would miss him and be devastated for awhile but in the end we would all be okay. We would all spend quality time with him and he would always remind us that he and we would all be okay and we believed him.
Thank you again to all for all your well wishes and support throughout this time. We love you all!
Marco is truly missed, never forgotten.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Rose Hills Memorial
Sky Rose Chapel
3888 Workman Mill Road
Whittier, CA 90601
530pm to 830pm
--- Memorial FRIDAY
Please inform those whom have kept Marco on their minds and in their hearts.
****Note: Please respect that all services will be Non-Religious****
Love you Marco.
In lieu of
flowers, we have set up an account to help assist the family in these tryingtimes.
There are 2options: PayPal via internet and WellsFargo Bank
1. Go to www.paypal.com
2. Click on send money
3. Click on Friends and Family
4. Fill in account email firstname.lastname@example.org
Or visit a Wells Fargo Bank: Deposit donations to >> Marco Mendez Benefit Memorial Fund.
Thank you to all for your thoughts and support throughout the years.
Thank you to the doctors, nurses and care providers from City of Hope and Odyssey Hospice.