Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Biggest Bubble in the World Just Burst



From the Wife:

Trying to hold back the anger is getting tuffer for me because it's not right that Marco has to fight this shit over and over again. All the damn battle scares he has now are not enough.
"GOD" what the f*#% was he/she thinking (if he/she does exsist) to put this whole "CANCER" shit out there and for what purpose. Makes no damn sense to me.
Well let me back off this "GOD" shit already.

One day after you get good news, you think, that their may be ,not so good news lingering some where, you cross your fingers not to hear the not to good news. Especially when you have two appointments one day after another.

Then when you do get the not so good news you just want to yell to the top of you lungs.

CANCER SUCKS!!!!!

I wish I could record myself screaming this from the top of a freakin mountains!

I swear, I hate everything about this whole freakin diesease. I hate that it lurks as if in swap water and emerges like an alligator ambushing it's prey at the edge of the water hole.

You would think that with the good news of the tumor shrinking was good to last us awhile and we would hear the words you can have the robotic surgery with minimal recovery time.

I believe that is what is to be expected after hearing you can go to surgery now let's see when the surgeon wants to do the surgery. But appointment number two was no were near anything of good news, far from it.

Instead you come out saying WHAT THE HELL and YOUR FREAKIN KIDDING ME!

We have to wait till Friday morning to find out what the plan is to remove the freakin tumor. Dr. Granis wanted the Sarcoma Confrence Team on Thursday 4/16/09 to talk about what options they can come up with to remove this tumor.

Basically all of Marco's physician's will be called in to this confrence and bring his case to the Sarcoma Confrence Team table to discuss the better outcome for Marco without the major surgery.

Because if this tumor is not removed and it starts to react again it can kill him. Me lleva la chingada is what I was thinking.

Top three topics they are bringing to the table are as follows:

1. Chemo would continue to try to shrink it more if possible. With their power punch cocktail.
(Marco says " he is not looking forward to chemo again)

2. Radiation to the site where the tumor is at. To see if it could be shrunk in a different way.

3. Major Surgery having a huge cut from the back side to the side where the tumor is at,have four ribs and some of his chest wall removed and having the tumor with all cancer boarders removed around the area. Marco would be in pain with some recovery time.

So it comes down to the position of the tumor and what needs to be done so that Marco has less pain and try to avoid the major surgery to remove the tumor.

NO ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD SHOULD BE DEALT THE CANCER CARD IT'S F*$%@* UP...... IS WHAT IT IS.
After reading some of the blog's on Sarcoma Alliance I sensed that people must feel some relief to express themselves ...... so I did.

Cancer War continues.......funny that yesterday we were walking through the halls at City of Hope when Marco pointed out a picture a child had drawn called Cancer War and Marco thought it was funny cause it had the Star Wars drawing ......but that is what it is as Marco says......a freakin cancer war in the body.

I will keep you posted.... I will not apologize for any of the above.....just to make sure we are all the same page we are no where near the end of this road yet. This blog is to express yourself right. So do it!

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

We are here for you and your family. This is bad news for all of us and we are here to support you and help you deal with this horrible disease. We will continue to pray and have you in our thoughts. I am confident that good people will have good things happen to them call it Karma, God or luck. Love the Looch family

Anonymous said...

One Day at a Time Said...
You know what?? this totally absolutely *#@% sucks!!! It is definitely unfair that it is happening to the most wonderful person in the world:( Marcus!!... I know it is so fuck*&n ridiculous that just as you have progressed so far, you have these damn setbacks. We only ask that you and your wonderful support team try to find the "stenght" (can't even spell the damn word) to get you through one more unfortunate challenge. Just know we will be there for you. Love you guy.

Anonymous said...

Well ain't this a kick in the teeth. I for one can't believe that this crap has been put upon you. You have dealt with it better than I ever could have, but it still doesn't diminish the disappointment that must have gone through your minds, hearts, and souls when you got that news. Marco, your my friend and I hate to see you go through this. I wish I could help in more ways, and if you ever want anything, or need anything, just ask bud. No questions will be asked, no complaints, just done. Like I said, I wish I could do more. You have a wonderful support system around you, and just know that we are hear for you.

Lazy T

weezy130 said...

It is difficult to hold tears back when you know the people you love are hurting and being challenged in the most unexplainable way. You, the Wife, DLP, and Machini are being most challenged in every thing. You are not alone in fighting this cancer Marco. We are here with you in this very challenging journey that I'm sure has tested all. It is necessary to let it all out Wife because so much has happened, so fast, so many roller coaster rides, you just don't know anymore what news you'll get next. Something that keeps us going is love for each other, hope, and perseverance. We will have to take it a day at a time because it is getting more challenging. We will still stick together and get all through this. Marco you know I'm here if there is anything you need. Please keep finding the inner strength you've had to keep fighting this. Know that you guys are not alone facing this challenge. Let us know how we can best help and support you to get through this next surgery. I love you.

Anonymous said...

Surviving 3 under 5 Said:
Well this blow to the heart is part of the rollercoaster that we are riding. I wish we had a road map to let us know what we had to prepare for. I think like a checklist that would make this insanity manageable. But then talking it out with Weezee I realize that in this reality there is nothing that would make it better. We can't prepare our mind soul or spirit for these moments. HOPE is part of our core. We hope for the best outcome and are overwhelmed with the reality of the hard road Marcs has encountered. I guess the strong family you have around you are going to continue to HOPE for a easier road but also acknowledge that the road on this roller coaster continues to change and arise with new challenges. Marcs you have been through sooo much these past 2 years. I admire your strength.
Please share what you truely feel for this family is here to support you. If you are having a crappy day let us all know. If you are feeling blue let us all know too. Let it out , be comfortable to share what your thoughts are. We want to be there to help you have this outlet.
I know that when women are pregnant (No I am not pregnant again)and miserable they let it out. You know what they are feeling and guess what. They feel a little better if the world understands what they are going through. I ask you all the time how do you feel. I truely want you to share what is it that you feel. Sometimes let us all in. Sometimes I know that you are tired as a mofo but you are like I am o.k. (ha) I know that you are tired. Lay down on the couch Marcs. And you say No I am ok.(Ha)
You have taken a beating with this Chemo and your body has to recover. Let us baby you sometimes. Thats ok. Let me tell you a little TLC goes a long way when you are Pregnant(Yes, Yes, I should know after three back to back). I know that you would feel a bit better too. You always want to be the strong mofo. You are but relax put your legs up watch a movie let others make you feel comfortable.
Well enough from the peanut-free Gallery Love V

Anonymous said...

To the wife, We are screaming with you and hear your pain and frustration clearly. Marco you are the strongest man ever! It is amazing how you and your family have battled this all...and still you remain strong. That is important. We think of you and you are always in our prayers.
From your cousin in HP

Anonymous said...

Inappropriate or not, the reality that we have been living has not been lived by all. the reality that you 3- matt is too young to realize the gravity of the situation-- has not been lived by most. unfortunately, the nightmare continues and you try to make it nice and simple for all but there is only so much a person can do to make it that way. it is not that your bubble has burst, it is the fact that the bubbles of others have yet to burst or have taken too long to burst. anger over the situation is unavoidable. anger over the possibilities is unavoidable. anger over people being total dumbasses over the situation is avoidable.. ok ok to an extent. support and understanding can only get you so far. being able to deal with the reality and accept its uglyness takes much more. many times it is too much to express. many times it seems too little of a thought, but it comes down to ' marco i hope you have a good day. marco i hope you have fun.' and you basically just wish you could say ' marco i hope you dont feel like shit, marco i hope you dont end up in more pain, marco i hope you get good news, and marco i hope to see you smile later.' hearing every update causes such anxiety. good or bad you know there is more. good or bad you know marco isnt feeling normal. and so we wait. in anticipation of whats next. and so we hope that the emotional rollercoaster can cruise for once instead of turning upside down and all around for once. total bs is what it is. hasta manana.
-kray

Moshura's Sister said...

Thank you all for your contributions. It sounds like everyone has a unique hold of this situation. I think the frustration is widely felt and it is important to keep in mind that not everybody will respond in the same way to news that cancer is slowly killing someone you love. It is easy to expect a canned response because when cancer happens to your family, it seems like the world gets filtered through cancer goggles, you become a specialist in anger and despair and impatience and you want everyone else to do the same. At its core, you are not dealing with just good or bad days, you are dealing with dying. We’re told our life expectancies in the U.S. are about 77.8 years. Marco is supposed to be a grandfather. Marco is supposed to go to Cancún again without worrying about a chemo appointment or surgery. Marco is supposed to see baby Matthew graduate from the London School of Musical Theater(!) Marco is supposed to stop Nay from eloping with a race car driver from Hemet. It might sound insensitive of me to mock a serious issue, because I am. I spend 8 hours a day analyzing disease information, and Marco would bask in the murky, toxic glow of all the hard facts because he loves facts and statistics that give him an inkling of when rat studies or doctors say his time is up. He’s a true technician at heart. Proof is what he wants. Troubleshooting! So I comply, and try to sprinkle some of those truths in and around this blog but at the same time provide a space for him to know we have not forgotten about his day to day struggle, that we are thinking about him, talking about him, swooning over him, laughing about him. So as I try to be cheeky, I always know Marco is thinking about his “facts”, he’s searching for them behind the scenes, he’s clinging to them. The reality is there, Marco has a disease that can kill him. We know this and we are helpless to know this. Sarcoma is nastier, bigger, meaner than we ever wanted to imagine. But we’re no good for Marco if we allow this cancer to pummel us too. Like Marie said, this is just the beginning. Let’s see if we can take the cold hard facts and make a bitter reality bear some fruit.

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Anonymous said...

its going to be ok everything will turn out well in the end. think positive. think good thoughts..but how could you when you know what the future may hold. CANCER this is the most unforgivable disease. how can one be so strong at such times. you are strong. i dont know how you do it. in the end you will be ok and even if you arent its alright everything will be fine. i love you. i know at time it may seem i dont care but i do i know what may happen and i know that as time goes on things may change in drastic ways. but no matter what happens everything in the end will be fine...one way or another.

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