Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Essay written by Moshura's Little Girl...

This is an essay that DLP submitted to a radio contest on "How I cope with cancer":


Cancer. The disease is unforgivable. It brings pain, tears, heartache, and for some it brings out the warriors with in. Cancer takes a lot from a person, emotionally and physically. Not only does cancer affect those who have this disease but it affects all their loved ones around them. This disease can have a terrible impact on a family.

I am fourteen years old and my father was diagnosed two years ago with soft-tissue sarcoma cancer, an aggressive reoccurring type of cancer. My dad was a mess emotionally for the first couple of months along with my mom. Although they have their emotional out burst from time to time. I had never seen them cry so much or stay in bed for so long. It was devastating news, especially for my dad. I never want to cry in front of my dad. I try to stay strong. I don’t want to make him feel more pressure to worry about me then he has to. I tend to cope on my own. I do have family which help me relieve stress. I know they help out my dad as well. I try to think in reality of the cause and effect possibilities. Such as for surgeries there will be mood swings and self-preparation before. After there will be recovery and treatments. Then side effects of the treatment tiredness, vomiting, more mood swings, self doubt, and lots of mind wondering. With every surgery there’s a possibility of death. In my mind I just have to realize, for this cause that will be the effect. There is nothing I can do no matter what cause or effect is. The biggest cause event has already taken place. Now its the doctors job to take the cancer out of my dads body, and also my dads jobs to think positive and self heal his own body.

Over the last two years my dad has had three surgeries (soon to be four) three months of radiation and four cycles of chemo. As these numbers increase I can see my dad slowly giving up as in getting tired of it all. My dad is the strongest, most positive, most inspiring man I know. He has made amazing recovery and treatment results. He even has his doctors in awe due to the fact that the type of cancer my dad has does not respond to chemo very well and his tumor shrunk more than half way. He also didn’t lose as much weight as expected. Although he did lose his hair and had other side effects, and yet he still keeps pulling through. As the more the chemo progressed the more he started getting antsy and restless, I don’t blame him, he just wanted to be home already and not in the hospital. The more surgeries and more difficult they are. I see him in a way expecting death. Though the treatments help they still have their setbacks. Its not like my dad looks forward to be in the hospital for weeks at a time and dealing with the side effects there or at home.

Coping is hard to do, but yet still doable. Many people have different way to cope. We all have to cry, scream, laugh at some point in time. I cry at times when things become to over whelming, but then again what else is there to do but cry. I haven’t reach the point to scream, yet. Laugh, laughing is the best therapy there is. Making jokes of the effects of the surgeries or chemo helps to raise a little spirits in my family. For example, my dad has lost his hair due to the chemo so some of us tell him to go comb his hair or put gel on his hair. My dad gets some kicks out of it and makes fun of himself. The laughs now and then are good, they aren’t always around when you may need them most.

Reassuring. That is key to positive thinking and well being. I always have to reassure not only myself, but my dad as well that he will be fine and no matter what happens we will all be fine one way or another. I also have to accept the realities of the toll this cancer on my dad and family.

We now are a day away from surgery number four, which is one of the most life risking major surgery my dad has ever had to encounter. The thought of death has been going through everyone’s mind so I asked my dad if he was scared to die, he relied “a little.” I reassured him that dying is a natural thing in life and that its not something to be afraid of. At some point in our life we must go and there is nothing anyone can do about it. We all must accept the fact of death and we must deal with it although it may hurt and cause pain its what our future holds for us.

I believe that with in myself coping I realize the outcomes of everything and no matter what it is I must accept it. My perspective on life has changed I don’t believe in things that I once did. Life itself is too short to be so focus on the little things. You should just let life take you on an adventure and live freely. With the situation my dad is in, that’s the basics of it all. Not to worry so much on the little things such as paying bills, loosing the house, or what will happen if you don’t get a job soon. Sometimes you just have to breathe and focus at the task at hand. Getting through surgery and back to some want yourself mentally, although it may not show physically. Cancer a thing of purely torches a person, which also brings hardship and test your body on how hard it can fight and how far your willing to go to win the battle. In over all, CANCER SUCKS.


Anonymous said...

Surviving 3 under 5 said:

I am so proud of you Nanushski. Your essay was great. You shared a bit of yourself with the world. You are very brave. We all see that you have grown up alot in the past 2 years.

In the begining I believe that you like us all were in shock. You rebelled. But you took the high road....Nanushski you are a wonderful daughter. You are a constant support for your mom & dad. You are selfless. Instead of making this family crisis about a teenage rebelion, you have embraced the fight.

Nanushski is there everyday that she is allowed. Instead of going out on the town, Nanushski prefers to stay close to her Papa Marcs in the hospital lobby. She waits for Marcs to come to visit her in the lobby during Chemo therapy. They play checkers, hangman, dominos, watch movies, do homework and read books. All together. Nanushski gets up at 5am. Marie & Nanushski want to be at the hospital before Marcs wakes up. They remain there all day until the nurse says it is time to go home.

Nanushski never complains. She does vent every now and then. Then she adjusts to all the changes and moves on - fighting the fight.

In the mist of all of the chaos that has hit the family, Nanushski is an Honor Roll Student at Hesperia High. She continues to excel in school.

Nanushski found out about this contest 2 days before the deadline. It was also the same 2 days before her Papa Marc's enormous surgery. Nanushski did not skip a beat. She just dealt with it the way they deal with everything. "One Day at a Time".

I am proud of you!!! Like your Papa you too are a Warrior.

The Wife/DLP'S MoM said...

I am so proud of "My Little Girl" DLP has done a marvelous job on this essay. It is very well said and it opened my eyes to know that she does understand everything that is going on as hard as it may be at times.
In our family we share everything. We have raised our children to ask questions and not to be embarrassed by any question that they may have, and cancer was no exception.

She has been exposed to a lot since Marco was diagnosed in 4/2007, that's a lot for a kid her age.
Some times it takes a lot out of her, she has her moments and then she pulls herself together and she knows it's ok.
This essay just goes to show you how it affects everyone in the family.

Your a winner no matter what!

The Wife said...

I am inviting our friends and family members who visit our blog to please join in.

Marco reads the blog everyday and it's his window to keep him in touch with everyone. Well he reads all the blog but I am the one who keeps it updated...when I can.

Since the fundraiser, I know that there are a lot of you who visit now and then, again please post something if you wish too.
Everyone is invited!

Just make sure you make a name up for yourself to keep your privacy....enjoy making up a name we all did. Hope to see new posts...tah tah for now.

Patty said...

One Day at a Time said...
When I first read this essay I was sitting in the lobby with the rest of the family awaiting Marcus's surgery. DLP was sitting next to her dad taking in a couple of zzzz's after staying up most of the night to both write the essay and to prepare for her dad's surgery. I was truly amazed to read these powerful and heartfelt words. We all know that DLP is smart, witty and at times quite funny:), but we also know that she is also private and guards her emotions and feelings. I just want to thank her for letting us into her thoughts and feelings through this essay, especially her feelings regarding her dad's cancer. I say this because we often ask her, "So how are you doing?" and often her response is "Ok." or "I'm fine." It was so empowering to read how she truly feels and we hope that she continues to express herself either verbally or in writing. I just want to say that I am so lucky to be a part of a family such as this one. That even with all of our quirks, we always come together and support one another. Marcus, the Wife, DLP and Machini...we will never get tired of telling you how much we love you all and how you can always count on our unconditional support. See you soon:)

Patty said...

One Day at a Time Said...
P.S. Love the picture of Marcus and DLP being silly. Of course!

Anonymous said...

Leezy120 said:
To the comments above very well said. I completely agree with all of you. DLP has unconditional love and great respect for her parents. She is mature and has experienced more in life than her peers. Life has hit her hard and she has dealt with it in a better way to bring closeness than conflict. It is easy to use this life crisis and be rebellious as most teenagers use as an excuse, but DLP's maturity has help her family through a very difficult situation and we love her for her good nature towards her parents.

Moshura's Sister said...

I just realized, in my rush to post this I forgot to add an oh so clever intro based on the headline - DLP should be MLP for Mama and Moshura's Lil Princess :)

Anonymous said...

I am glad this opportunity presented itself for nay to vent. I thought it may be a ploy to get her to write about what they have been going through for the fundraiser. But it did not make any sense for her perspective to be read by everyone. So it was kool that it was an essay contest. It was just what nay needed to focus on trying to let others understand her state of mind.
I was very happy to see Merrzabel have that boo hoo moment of understanding. My mom thought it was mean for me to tell Merrzabel not to cry while she read it, but it was necessary for her to understand nay and not just read the harsh reality that was being described. We all have triggers that can set off our emotions and then we phase out the message. nay was able to get the message across that she had been verbalizing for so long, but not many were listening. good job nay. marco and merrzabel nay's brain does work pretty well sometimes. haha.

Anonymous said...

Lazy T said.......
That was a very well said, and poignant essay. It took you into Nay's mind, and it gave you the chance to look at things from her point of view. Like others have said, she has fought the fight along with her parents, instead of rebelling. For that I commend her. In the last two years, I have seen her grow up beyond her years, and I can tell that she understands more than she lets on. Great job!!!!!!


Anonymous said...

Your Friends in LQ said:
Thank you for sharing your story. You are such a beautiful and inspirational family. It was nice seeing you if only for a little while on Saturday. This essay is wonderful, capturing your family's experience from a teen's experience. Your children are amazing! We can only hope our little girl will be as loving and dedicated to her family as yours is. While most teens these days seem to be living a selfish existence, your daughter sticks close to your side and is a true role model for others and a source of strength to her family. We think about you guys all the time--thanks for encouraging us to post comments. Keep fighting the good fight, Marco. We're all in your corner.