Yesterday, we went to City of Hope for lab work, scans and what we thought would be a refill on trial medication. Instead, Dr. Chow reported that this horrific monster is back again........with a slight vengeance of three tumors, one being the size of a lemon.
We always feel that we go into the appointments open minded of what could be found, what we would do if they found something, and we can just pick ourselves off the floor if they do find it and deal with it! That easy in our minds, at least......... prepared with the different scenarios in our minds.
But when the doctor says "the cancer is back" ....everything we just prepared ourselves for just flew out the window. Because, those words just overcame every emotion.
We are usually very composed and "suck it up" and try not to show our emotions but this time we just couldn't hold it together. It's unfair!
The kids were waiting for us in the waiting room.....as we approached DLP and Machini, the emotions were riding high. DLP turned to us and knew something was wrong, all she wanted to know was were it was and how big it was. So, there we are all sitting in the waiting room balling.
To me this is the painful part.....having to tell your kids that its back and seeing my little girls eyes fill up with tears. It's unfair! I don't mention Machini's emotions because all he knows at 6 years old is that we go to City of Hope because his papa is very sick with cancer and that he needs medication and surgery to get the cancer out but doesn't understand the severity of it at all. All he knows is that his plans to go to LEGOLAND and DISNEYLAND "have gone to pieces."
Marco will be starting chemo today.......for two cycles and a scan will be done to see if the tumors have shrunk and to see if the cancer cells have stopped multiplying. If all goes well with the chemo, he will need surgery to remove them.
Yesterday, I felt like punching something....the anger was just so overwhelming. Today, very sad, sad to know that Marco has to go through the chemo again. Has to go through surgery and the emotions are riding higher now. Just when his hair was getting back to normal. NOT FAIR!!