Tuesday, November 24, 2009

NOT FAIR!!

Yesterday, we went to City of Hope for lab work, scans and what we thought would be a refill on trial medication. Instead, Dr. Chow reported that this horrific monster is back again........with a slight vengeance of three tumors, one being the size of a lemon.

We always feel that we go into the appointments open minded of what could be found, what we would do if they found something, and we can just pick ourselves off the floor if they do find it and deal with it! That easy in our minds, at least......... prepared with the different scenarios in our minds.

But when the doctor says "the cancer is back" ....everything we just prepared ourselves for just flew out the window. Because, those words just overcame every emotion.

We are usually very composed and "suck it up" and try not to show our emotions but this time we just couldn't hold it together. It's unfair!

The kids were waiting for us in the waiting room.....as we approached DLP and Machini, the emotions were riding high. DLP turned to us and knew something was wrong, all she wanted to know was were it was and how big it was. So, there we are all sitting in the waiting room balling.

To me this is the painful part.....having to tell your kids that its back and seeing my little girls eyes fill up with tears. It's unfair! I don't mention Machini's emotions because all he knows at 6 years old is that we go to City of Hope because his papa is very sick with cancer and that he needs medication and surgery to get the cancer out but doesn't understand the severity of it at all. All he knows is that his plans to go to LEGOLAND and DISNEYLAND "have gone to pieces."

Marco will be starting chemo today.......for two cycles and a scan will be done to see if the tumors have shrunk and to see if the cancer cells have stopped multiplying. If all goes well with the chemo, he will need surgery to remove them.

Yesterday, I felt like punching something....the anger was just so overwhelming. Today, very sad, sad to know that Marco has to go through the chemo again. Has to go through surgery and the emotions are riding higher now. Just when his hair was getting back to normal. NOT FAIR!!

6 comments:

Ro said...

WOW! I know nothing i say will make you feel better...I'm sorry. Sucks! But, your husband's a fighter. Don't lose faith.

Anonymous said...

Leezy120 said...
Well in all honesty. I'm a mess. Can't stop crying. My heart is completely broken. Knowing that Marco will endure the painful and craziness of chemo and surgery has me in an unexplainable emotional rollercoaster and I don't think we are ever prepared to hear this kind of news. Then I think about Marco and his desire to live and get better and I want to fight for him! I don't know why things happen as they do, but I know that because we love Marco so much and finally want him to have normalcy these events in our lives are unexplainable. It is unfair and cruel, but do know we will fight this again. We will build a stronger foundation for you Marco so you can fight this cancer. We will provide you with the strength and support that is needed to bear with the challenges of chemo and the side effects. You let us know what you need to get you through this chemo as it will be a stronger dose and we want you to get better. We will respect your wishes as we know the side effects are crazy. You are a strong man with a strong will!

Patty said...

One Day at a Time said...
I don't think that I can express how I feel any better or clearer than the Wife and Leezy120. I completely feel the same way. I also know that we can beat this. The more days that have passed since Marcus got diagnosed the more determined and committed we are to getting rid of this damn cancer. I know that it is Marcus that has to fight the battle but I hope that he knows that he has a very supportive and determined team. Yes we can be a bit nutty and somewhat out of whack but when it comes down to it. We will drop everything we are doing to rally behind Marcus getting better. We will be there whenever you need us. Love you!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Lazy T says.......

When I got the news sitting at my desk at work, all I could think of is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I almost thought I had recieved a wrong text message, and had to read it again to be sure. Don't worry dude, you will get through this, as you always do, and come back the same happy person that I have come to respect and care about. And don't worry on the Thanksgiving thing dude. It can wait, and besides in all honesty that day is about being with friends and family. Looking forward to when you are 100% again. Races are in a couple of months!!!! Get better soon bud.

Lazy T

Surviving 3 Under 5 said...

Heartbroken... trying wrap my brain around this all....I am very sad. I love you Marcs and I hate that you have to endure all of this again.

Remember how great it was this summer being cancer free!! Live love laugh...

Look foward to :having the chemo do it's work, your genius doctors operating and geting the @3%*& tumors out... then keep fighting for those Cancer free days!

O.K so this S#@t keeps coming back
Your team is behind you all of the way. you are blessed to have this great support group.

Remember the goal is to be Cancer free.... until there is a Cure!!

Keep your eye on the prize... magical moments outside of City of Hope.

We love you and send you a big hug.

Anonymous said...

THIS SUCKS! really truly - from the bottom of my heart I only wish someone was behind this so that We or I could just go kick the living sh** out of them for putting you guys through this! muther effer! GRRRRRRRRR.
Marcito -- eat your wheaties, and try to think about other things. Your cells are in control, damn them.