Sleeping on it....is not always the best thing, I think. I woke today, telling Marco that yesterday I was waiting to hear, 'I will do the surgery', because to me it meant that the tumors were small enough to be taken out and they were in a spot were they could be reached. I had been waiting to hear these words since we had left his office and he said that surgery wasn't an option at that time.
Since Marco started the chemotherapy the tumors reacted nicely reducing 90%. The two small tumors are unmeasurable and the biggest one is smaller then before.
I was happy to hear that surgery was able to be done. The RN started to explain everything that Marco would have to go through again. I think I was in the zone to pay attention to everything that was coming out of her mouth that I didn't have time to process what she was actually saying. But, this morning, I have a different feeling. I marinated everything and I woke up worried beyond belief. Maybe just because of the big surgery, but especially knowing what Marco has to go through once more.
Just as much as the last surgery was big this one is huge. He will be in under the care of two doctors Dr. Trisal and Dr. Grannis, they have asked Dr. Trisal to join if he needs to step in if the tumor is underneath the diaphragm.
The surgical area will be on the same scar he has now, but it will be cut further towards the front of his torso. After the surgery, Marco will be in intensive care for about two days, he will have two tubes coming out of his chest to take out any liquid in the area once the tubes are removed he will then be transferred to a regular room. He will be in the hospital for about a week.
It's just a little more overwhelming this morning than it was yesterday. Of course, City of Hope looks out for best interest of their patients, so I am positive that in the Sarcoma Board meeting, on Thursday, they looked at everything involved.
I guess it all comes down to....it needs to get done.
They can't just sit and watch, see what happens or let's give it time. Marco doesn't have that pleasure these tumors need to be taken out quickly because the chemotherapy may only shrinks them in size, but does not kill the sarcoma cancer cells. Which means these tumors could grow again and we don't want that.
Different sarcomas work differently and in Marco's case where ever the tumors pop up, the chemo is to shrink them as much as possible and surgery is the way to take them out. It is what it is and there is no changing the out come of surgery being the way to go to remove these tumors....its just the feeling of helplessness that I or anyone else for that matter can not do to take this away.
When I write in big letter I HATE CANCER!!! You can't imagine the anger, where this is coming from. For something like this sarcoma to come in and interrupt life is unfair. I am starting to hate the word unfair, I need to find some other word that I can yell out too. I just can't think of one right now. It is just very frustrating to think that Marco has to go through this again and it makes me mad and nervous I guess.