Saturday, February 27, 2010

Overwhelmed

Sleeping on it....is not always the best thing, I think. I woke today, telling Marco that yesterday I was waiting to hear, 'I will do the surgery', because to me it meant that the tumors were small enough to be taken out and they were in a spot were they could be reached. I had been waiting to hear these words since we had left his office and he said that surgery wasn't an option at that time.

Since Marco started the chemotherapy the tumors reacted nicely reducing 90%. The two small tumors are unmeasurable and the biggest one is smaller then before.
I was happy to hear that surgery was able to be done. The RN started to explain everything that Marco would have to go through again. I think I was in the zone to pay attention to everything that was coming out of her mouth that I didn't have time to process what she was actually saying. But, this morning, I have a different feeling. I marinated everything and I woke up worried beyond belief. Maybe just because of the big surgery, but especially knowing what Marco has to go through once more.

Just as much as the last surgery was big this one is huge. He will be in under the care of two doctors Dr. Trisal and Dr. Grannis, they have asked Dr. Trisal to join if he needs to step in if the tumor is underneath the diaphragm.

The surgical area will be on the same scar he has now, but it will be cut further towards the front of his torso. After the surgery, Marco will be in intensive care for about two days, he will have two tubes coming out of his chest to take out any liquid in the area once the tubes are removed he will then be transferred to a regular room. He will be in the hospital for about a week.

It's just a little more overwhelming this morning than it was yesterday. Of course, City of Hope looks out for best interest of their patients, so I am positive that in the Sarcoma Board meeting, on Thursday, they looked at everything involved.
I guess it all comes down to....it needs to get done.

They can't just sit and watch, see what happens or let's give it time. Marco doesn't have that pleasure these tumors need to be taken out quickly because the chemotherapy may only shrinks them in size, but does not kill the sarcoma cancer cells. Which means these tumors could grow again and we don't want that.

Different sarcomas work differently and in Marco's case where ever the tumors pop up, the chemo is to shrink them as much as possible and surgery is the way to take them out. It is what it is and there is no changing the out come of surgery being the way to go to remove these tumors....its just the feeling of helplessness that I or anyone else for that matter can not do to take this away.

When I write in big letter I HATE CANCER!!! You can't imagine the anger, where this is coming from. For something like this sarcoma to come in and interrupt life is unfair. I am starting to hate the word unfair, I need to find some other word that I can yell out too. I just can't think of one right now. It is just very frustrating to think that Marco has to go through this again and it makes me mad and nervous I guess.

9 comments:

Moshura's Sister said...

I know. I feel like you too. I felt relief, then worry, hen relief, then worry again... It's a big surgery and we hate to know Marco has to go through it again. Ughh. I don't even know how to feel about this. I know Marco will beat this, but you are right, there is no other word for unfair.

Anonymous said...

Hello Kitty

Your totally right about how we all feel. I seriiously was excited and running through the house yelling that the surgery was a go. And of course Em brings me back to earth with a comment like "why are you so happy? He still has to go through having to have surgery!" Wow that really brought me to a halt. I started to think oh my gosh that's true. Wow this surgery is going to be huge. Now I'm worried. But I stopped and had just a quiet moment and though. Hey Marco's done this before. He can kick ass and do it again!!!!!!!!! I believe this with all my heart. Marco you can do it. You are a strong man with a beautiful heart and you have so many people who love you and can not go on without you. We have faith. We will do all the stressing and worrying and you just focus on beating this thing called "cancer". We love you so much! Get well soon.

Anonymous said...

Leezy120 said...
The love that I have for Marco, the Wife, DLP, and Machini is so immense and unexplainable that knowing how this process is and what has to be done is also a deep and unexplainable emotion. The anxiety we all feel and everything that goes with it it puts a knot in my stomach. I do get very emotional because Marco has to go through this again and all that chemo and all it's side effects he's had to endure.

This surgery will get that tumor out. Marco is brave and has his support team with him. Marco I love you more than you know. We will be there with you and our Rally monkeys. As you know you can count on us with anything you need to get you through this surgery.

Surviving 3 Under 5 said...

I wish we could somehow help more with this enormous burden. All we can do is be supportive as you need us.
Let it out! Keep us up to date an how you are feeling.
Know that we all feel the rollercoaster too.
We love you Marcs! V

Elsa D. said...

I HATE the surgeries too...the sarcoma... and I have been feeling overwhelmed also...
but everything will be alright, you will see.
and one of these days they will find a drug that works for us.
I am thinking of you and Marco

Ro said...

Personally, I understand all too well where you guys are coming from, es un desmadre todo...the emotional rollercoaster, anger, anxiety, amongst other things...and yes it is unfair. BUT at the same time he's been blessed, with this surgery the doctors have given you guys HOPE...And like the rest of the people on this blog have already mentioned, Marco already did it once and he can do it again, lets not underestimate the power and will of the big guy, he can do it! Especially if he knows how many people love him and stand behind him. Think of it as being a step closer to remission. Wishing you guys all the best.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Must say it does help to have positive thoughts and convince yourself that everything will be ok and this surgery is going to be just like the other just more recoop time. Woohoo!!-- And then we are waiting for any word... for E V E R. Waiting for anything to travel down the grapevine is the most horrible feeling. Especially when you make a mental note of time and the minutes are moving at a turtle's pace. I hope all is going well and that your super doctors are able to work their magic and that you are safely out of surgery and feeling decent. ever so anxious - love you guys. toodle-loooo.
-kray

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